I have two boys, as you all know. I love them so dearly, with all my heart, more than I knew you could love someone. My oldest is 4 years old now. He is the biggest sweetheart. He always picks me flowers when we are at the park, he tells me I look so pretty when I actually get ready for the day, he cares when people are hurt, he is overall so extremely loving.
Now these are super great qualities to have. He will make an excellent husband someday for sure. But there is another side of this that we worry about. He isn't very tough. He cries over things that he doesn't need to cry about. You know how I know he doesn't need to cry? Because he starts crying before anything even happens.
Now my husband is kinda macho. He is a tough guy and I think I might have seen him tear up, not cry, mind you, once in the 10 years I have known him. Even me, I am not macho, but I am not a super sensitve girl. I don't know where my son gets it from.
We have been pretty tough on Tae from the get go. He slept in his crib in his own room straight from the hospital. He didn't use a pacifier at all after 18 months. He never sleeps with us, ever. He has gotten spanked, *gasp* yes spanked before. We have always said that we are raising an eventual man. We understand that he has a sensitive side, and that is great. But we want to raise a man who will be able to take responsibility for things, run a household, be a leader of a company if he wanted to.
Don't get me wrong, either. I love that he is sensitive. I think it is a good quality in a man to have. I don't want to change who he is, even if we could. I just want to do my best as his mother to mold him into man who can have both. Who can be sensitive and be okay with it and also be tough at the same time.
I want him to be able to stand up to the mean kids at the playgrounds. And he has met a few. I want him to be able to handle himself instead of come crying to mommy. I want him to feel confident in himself enough to stick up for his little girl cousins, friends, or even another little boy getting bullied. I don't want him to be afraid of those people. I want him to be able to handle business.
I don't know what to do. I am out of ideas. I don't know what to say to him to help him be tougher. I don't know how to encourage him. I don't know how to get him to understand that it is okay to be sensitive, it is okay to hurt, just do your best to work through it! I am at a loss. I just pray everytime something comes up because I am out of ideas.
Any mom's out there with sensitive kids? I would love to hear some advice or some things that worked for you.
15 comments:
I remember my little brother in first grade (probably about 7) sitting at his desk, crying his eyes out for his mom...There were 4 of us, he was the youngest...I was probably 17-18 years old at this point...So anyways, he was brought up around 3 sisters...and was very sweet ans sensitive...He was always our baby:)...Kinda still like that today-- but he is a great guy. A manly man, but still a marshmellow around us girls. He hunts and drives a motorcycle...but will still give us our hugs and kisses;)
Anyways, I wouldn't worry about your little guy too much. Boys seem to be more sensitive when they are young. My son is. Much more clingy and more prone to burst into tears. They just have to get themselves to the point where they understand and want to be a big guy. I already see signs of it in my son, and he is only 5. It actually breaks my heart when he holds his tears in...and his little lip starts to quiver:(
Enjoy your guy while he still runs to you in tears...I have a feeling these years won't last forever...and then we will wish they were those little whiney boys again:)
Hope this helps:)...Love your thoughts and stopping here each day:)
xo
I'm with the first commenter - He will grow up on his own and gain his toughness as he grows. I would just say to try your best to acknowledge his sensitivities without coddling him. Show him that it's okay to show emotion, but that you still need to stand up for yourself and be strong when the time is right. I have two little girls (aka drama queens) so I live with this every single day, but I have never raised a boy so I'm not a ton of help. Sorry! Good luck!
I have to agree with the first two commenters. He is only four. Even though it seems like this is the way he's going to be forever, I guarantee he will not. It's just a stage in his development, and although it seems to be taking forever, it probably only seems that way to you because you are in the middle of it. It's true, it will be over before you know it and you will long for the little four-year-old you once had. Try not to stress too much and enjoy him. Your frustration may make this last longer than you want it to. Can't wait till he's here. I think he just misses Grammy & Papi:)
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Good Luck!!
The Mrs
www.mrsvolnoff.blogspot.com
Well, I have two boys too, and what I've learned is that they go in stages. Sometimes really sensitive and sometimes not so much.
This could be a stage or just something he outgrows eventually.
And this could be that he doesn't know what to say, what words to use to express himself too.
I wouldn't worry about it too much for now since he's 4...now if he's 15 and bawling at the drop of a hat, then ya might have a problem. LOL
Two of the most adorable boys I've ever seen!! AND they're sweethearts?! Good job, Mama! : )
While I've never dealed with this kind of issue, I can see how it concerns you that he'll grow up and stay this way. I don't think any worrying or "training" you will do will change his personality, he just has to grow up and eventually learn that his behavior isn't what boys should be doing. He's still so young, he has a long ways to go, still! Good luck!
I understand your concerns because this is your oldest child and you don't have another one to compare to (age wise, milestones, etc.) I went through the same thing with my son. I can totally assure you that a lot of this is his age and maturity. Give him another year or two and he will change and mature a whole lot. He will start to feel embarrassment for emotions (crying) and he will toughen up. I am sure you and your husband are doing a great job. I honestly think it's just a stage. And with the upcoming move you never know how kids deal with things no matter how well adjusted they may seem. My son did not handle any type of change well and would be very weepy and emotional during times of change.
I don't know how you feel about trying a "reward" system but maybe that's an idea. Keep your chin up! It will get better :)
P.S. You are gonna be one of five fav friday things tomorrow. Mother's Day special...because I think you are pretty awesome lady! Check it out.
I think it's unfair that we expect boys to be so tough. In reality, little boys are exactly like little girls. At that age they haven't completely figured out that society expects girls and boys to act differently. He's only four! Let him be sensitive if that's who he is. He shouldn't feel like he has to suck it up all the time, just because he's a boy. And really, wouldn't you rather raise a sensitive man than a hyper-macho man? You'll never have to worry about him hurting anyone, and honestly I think someone who is kind and considerate, and takes care of others...that's a real man. He's a good little boy, and he has good parents who love him. He'll be fine :)
your two sons are adorable!! I love kids and always wish that i'm pregnant and i wish i could help you or at least share experiences but im still trying to make one :) i can see your problem and i think you area already a great mommy and loving mother too, i hope as he grows older he would get over a little of his Over sensitive side although as you said, he would make a wonderful husband someday with his sensitive side! so I'm sorry that i cant help much! im so envious here that you have two wonderful children! x Susan
I love that picture of you walking with your boys on both sides!!! So adorable!!!
well, i definitely don't have any kids, so that rules out me having senstive kids...but my dog can be moody sometimes (and so can i) when things dont go his way ;-) but all in all, he is a TOTAl sweetheart! :-)
I have four children, all whom are pretty sensitive. As adults, they are very caring wonderful people. The oldest is now 30, the youngest is 21, and they are all very caring and wonderful people. Three are boys, or I should say men. I used to be concerned about it also, the first son would not be tough on the playground, the second was a girl, the third was a little tough guy, sweet but would rough and tumble, and the fourth was extremely sensitive but was the playground protector and would look out for other kids. Don't worry. I do believe they have personalities already established, but life will have a way of shaping them and they will learn as they go. I would be cautious about sending him the message that he is not perfect just the way he is, he can probably sense your worries about him, and he may feel he is not "good enough" as he is. I think unconditional love and support, which I am sure you are already doing, and lots of conversation about how sensitive people can easily be bullied and picked on would be helpful. I'm sure he is a very bright, creative boy. Most sensitive people are very bright and creative. Perhaps the explanation of chickens on the barnyard, how the smaller weaker ones get pecked would be an example for him. In life, not only the smaller and weaker, but the sensitive kids are easy targets, and sadly they suffer much at the hands of bullies. I was beat up (by boys) all through grade school, and I'm a girl! There is a book out there about highly sensitive children and another about highly sensitive people, I am interested in reading it someday. Maybe you can check that out! I'm glad you are such a loving and concerned parent, and I think your boys are fortunate to have you in their corner. Just don't accidentally send them any negative messages about themselves! Best of luck to you!
I think u are the perfect mix of strict and sweet and tough and mushy!!
I think your little Tae is too!
Your post really tugged my heartstrings! My kids are both more sensitive with other kids and can get picked on. Many parents do not teach their children to be empathetic to other children or urge them to share and love their friends like we teach ours. It's sad and sometimes I want to throw up my hands and say "fine" if u aren't gonna make your kids be nice, neither am I!" but we all know that's pretty pointless.
The real issue I have is with my son who is turning 3. Where my daughter (5) is independent but super sweet, he is clingy and whiny for me. He cries if his clothes get wet or he is sticky. It gets soooo old. Last week I calmly started saying "it's going to be ok, we don't need to cry" in a very blah kinda voice. I don't jump when he cries, kwim? By the end of the day he was MUCH better. I feel sorry that kids like your son and my son seem to feel really out of control. It's like that feeling when you get dressed and head out the door for work and you spill coffee all over yourself, realize your gonna be late, etc. It stinks and I get that, but I also want to give him the tools to keep moving and fix it not just lay there a puddle of mess.
Anyway, THANK YOU for this post. Glad I found you while hopping from blog to blog. Following!! Come visit me too and we can WHINE about our whiney men together ;)
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