Cultivating an Adventurous Spirit in your Kids

As most of you might know, we have arrived in France safe and sound and are trying to make the adjustments needed to feel more at home here.  I have been watching my kids to see how they adjust, espcially Tae because he is more aware of our situation, and honestly they have done quite well.  Tae is already trying his French on our neighbors even though all he remembers from last year is bonjour, ça va and au revoir.

It got me thinking, why is Tae adjusting so well?  Besides me being super mom, of course (HA HA), what helps Tae through our crazy life changes.  He has people back home that he loves to death and misses like crazy and yet, he is happy here.  He still misses them and talks about them, but he is excited to be here.  So how do you cultivate an adventurous spirit in your kids?

Here's what I got for ya:

1.) Travel.  I know that not everyone can travel internationally (we most definitely wouldn't be if it weren't for Lavar's job), but try to think outside of the box.  Do you live close to a major city? Travel to a more intercultural section and try to experience that.  Taste their food, try their language and really try to experience it. If you don't have this opportunity and can't travel, bring it to you!  Pick a day once a month and decide on a culture to experience and have a day of that culture.  It might help broaden your world a bit too!

Train Station in LA

2.) Stretch yourself.  I know a lot people like their little bubbles.  Trust me, I know those people.  The ones that feel sorry for me and my life.  But there is a whole world out there to experience and even if you don't want to experience it, you don't want your kids to be ignorant of it.  Try to stretch what would be comfortable for you to show your kids a little more of the world.

Train Station in LA

3.) Try new things.  You don't have to travel at all for this one!  You can camp in your backyard, try a new resaurant, make a new style of food.  Present it to your kids in a positive, fun way and make it exciting for them and they might be interested in trying it too!

Beach camping

4.) Be Creative.  Let your kids choose something to do.  It might be something you've never thought of but a fun adventure.  Do something you've never done or if you've done it, put a new spin on it.  Google some ideas you might want to try or cheap/free things to do in your area.  Then do it your way.

airport in Madrid

5.) Be Spontaneous.  Surprise your kids after school with a fun, new activity.  Or surprise them on a Friday afternoon by pulling them out of school early and whisking them away to beach camp for the weekend.  Or just go for ice cream, whatever works for your family.  Make it fun!

6.)  Make your own adventures.  For our family, we have a pretty adventurous life which already helps cultivate Tae's (and hopefully Eli's) adventurous spirit.  Some things might be a little too much for your family or you might find that there are some things you want to work towards and that's okay.  Do what works for you.

7.) Have a fun, adventurous attitude.  Kids feed off of what we give them.  If you try to create an adventure but you are not into it or don't want to do it, you're kids will know.  And this kinda defeats the purpose, doesn't it?  Like #6, if it is within what works for you and your family, hopefully you will have a fun, exciting attitude towards it and your kids will too.

So, how do you try to cultivate an adventurous spirit in your kids?  How do you present the world to them?  And coming from a family of experiencing three cultures daily, I hope it's with an open, loving mind!

What I didn't Wear

My one-year-old is cutting teeth.

Like 4 teeth.  At once.

This is what my days look like.  Oh you think I am exaggerating??  Ask my mom.  Or my dad.  Or my mom-friends who were at the pool today who witnessed me break down in the bathroom.

So I don't have a 'What I Wore Wednesday' post.  Because quite frankly I haven't worn anything.  Well, anything worth posting anyway.  Without daddy, we're in survival mode over here.

Riveting stuff, I know.  But this is the glamorous life of a mother. 

Does it Matter if You're Black or White?

A couple weeks ago, I was visiting a friend, just me and the boys, Lavar was gone for a basketball game.  My friend, who is white, is married to a fellow basketball player, we'll call him E, (also white) and they have 4 beautiful children whom I completely adore.  They are such a wonderful family.  My boys love them and they get along great.

All the kids were outside playing, and one of E's teammates stopped by.  He entered into the backyard and saw all the kids playing and said "Hey, whose are the little black kids?"

Black kids?  There are black kids out there?  Whose are the black kids?

Oh wait.  Those little black kids are my kids. 

It was kinda a weird realization for me.  I have always known it, but it hit me differently that day.  I am raising black kids.  And I am white.

I don't think of my kids as black or white, they are just my boys.  I don't categorize them.  But I have to be completely honest with myself and be completely aware, people will categorize them. 

And I think as people of one race or color, we don't know what it is like to feel like we have to identify with a particular culture or color.  We just are who we are.  But some kids, like my own and many others out there, will probably feel pressure to be a certain way, to fit in to a certain group.  Because they don't fully fit anywhere.

I think we mothers all want the absolute best for our kids.  We want to beat up the meanies, hold their hand when they are hurt, and be right there when they need it.  And we ache when we can't. 

I suppose part of this loving, protecting spirit that God gave us mothers is to do our best to teach our babies that they are perfect the way they are.  They don't have to be a particular color to fit in anywhere.  And if someone isn't okay with it, you don't have to be their friend.  As my ever-so-secure husband tells me "I gotta love me.  Because if I don't love me, then who will?"

On top of this, I am raising men.  I want to raise my little men to be able to run a company, be a president, and lead a family.  And part of raising these eventual men is helping them understand that God made them perfect, two colors and everything.  That they don't have to fit in anywhere, they can just be who they are.  That they can be secure in themselves because of God's love for them and our love for them.   

So far in our life we haven't experienced any real issues with our boys besides people 'noticing' the difference.  I had a group of little girls ask me why Tae was black and I was white.  It was complete innocence and I was happy to explain that 'Tae's daddy comes from a completely different place where most of the people are black.  In fact, you would be considered different if you were to go there.'  It was eye opening to them, and so cute as they tried to understand.  

What do you think about interracial children today?  They world is getting smaller, they say, but are there people/cultures/generations that still categorize and stereotype?  And seriously, if you just saw my boys on the street, would you think black or white?  Totally just curious on this one... :)

Our Life in France ~ Adjusting

So part of our oh so crazy life is something called adjusting.  We have to adjust to the country we are living in, the language that is spoken in that country, the friends that we know or meet, and the customs that are 'normal'.  Do I kiss this person?  If so, how many kisses?  I don't want to leave 'em hangin' without the appropriate number of kisses, but I also don't want to go in for more when I am supposed to be done.  Can we say awkward!  It is a huge adjustment.  It is a huge adjustment for me, so I cannot imagine what it must be like for my kids.  Especially my four-year-old who understand the differences.

"Mommy, do they speak English here?"

"Mommy, is their house close?"  (we drive far to see friends in France)

"Mommy, do they have a Mc Donald's here?"  "Yes, Tae.  Yes they do."

I got a question on one of the last posts I did (cannot remember which one or where the comment is) but she asked me how my kids did with all the adjusting.  And I thought it would be nice to document.

My boys are TROUPERS. Especially my older one.  I was, and sometimes still am, hesitant about our lifestyle.  Growing up I lived in 2 houses within the same city.  We went to the same school Kindergarten to Graduation and had a very secure life if you will.  And I am not providing that for my kids.

My travel buddy doing his own thing!

If only he did this the entire time

But what my kids will have that I don't think I got until a lot later on in life is an appreciation for other cultures and other people.  A sense that we are all to be treated fairly.  An understanding that we can be different from one another, and that is okay.  Something that we don't always have in America.  I mean, you can fly 5 hours and still be in America!  It is tough to expose your kids to more culture.  Unless you live near somewhere like LA or Miami where there are more non-Americans than there are Americans!

Walking to his first day of school. Please excuse the face, apparently I can't look normal

My son Tae was enrolled in French school this year.  Can I just have a braggy mom moment for a sec?  This kid walked into that classroom, had a little pep talk from Dad, and didn't look back.  He didn't speak a lick of the language and he handled that like nobody's business.  He is a shy boy and I know things are hard for him, but he does it.  He tries.  And that is all I can ask.

Little pep talk

Bottom line here for people who are thinking we are bad parents dragging our kids across the world like this; we love our boys.  We love our family.  We are a unit, a team, and we stick together no matter what country we live in.  So when my boys have insecurities about the language or the culture or the people, mom and dad will be there 100% telling them they are okay and that they can conquer the world if they want to.  And that is exactly what they need.

My Precious Little Boy

I have to vent a bit.

I have two boys, as you all know.  I love them so dearly, with all my heart, more than I knew you could love someone.  My oldest is 4 years old now.  He is the biggest sweetheart.  He always picks me flowers when we are at the park, he tells me I look so pretty when I actually get ready for the day, he cares when people are hurt, he is overall so extremely loving.

Now these are super great qualities to have.  He will make an excellent husband someday for sure.  But there is another side of this that we worry about.  He isn't very tough.  He cries over things that he doesn't need to cry about.  You know how I know he doesn't need to cry?  Because he starts crying before anything even happens. 

Now my husband is kinda macho.  He is a tough guy and I think I might have seen him tear up, not cry, mind you, once in the 10 years I have known him.  Even me, I am not macho, but I am not a super sensitve girl.  I don't know where my son gets it from. 

We have been pretty tough on Tae from the get go.  He slept in his crib in his own room straight from the hospital.  He didn't use a pacifier at all after 18 months.  He never sleeps with us, ever.  He has gotten spanked, *gasp* yes spanked before.  We have always said that we are raising an eventual man.  We understand that he has a sensitive side, and that is great.  But we want to raise a man who will be able to take responsibility for things, run a household, be a leader of a company if he wanted to. 

Don't get me wrong, either.  I love that he is sensitive.  I think it is a good quality in a man to have.  I don't want to change who he is, even if we could.  I just want to do my best as his mother to mold him into man who can have both.  Who can be sensitive and be okay with it and also be tough at the same time.

I want him to be able to stand up to the mean kids at the playgrounds.  And he has met a few.  I want him to be able to handle himself instead of come crying to mommy.  I want him to feel confident in himself enough to stick up for his little girl cousins, friends, or even another little boy getting bullied.  I don't want him to be afraid of those people.  I want him to be able to handle business.

I don't know what to do.  I am out of ideas.  I don't know what to say to him to help him be tougher.  I don't know how to encourage him.  I don't know how to get him to understand that it is okay to be sensitive, it is okay to hurt, just do your best to work through it!  I am at a loss.  I just pray everytime something comes up because I am out of ideas. 

Any mom's out there with sensitive kids?  I would love to hear some advice or some things that worked for you.